This article, The Moon Meat Mine, is the creative property of Thek213.
Quest details[]
| Start point |  Talk to Griblet, who is near the Ardougne Marketplace. Ask her if you can go to Blode's house to play. Request to bring Hairy along.
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| Member requirement | 
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| Official difficulty |  Experienced
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| Description | Blode is missing. With the help of his accomplices, can you track him down? |
| Length | Long |
| Requirements | A fairly high magic level if you want to teleport |
| Items required | Items from the toolbelt are not listed unless they do not work or are not automatically added.
Recommended:
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| Enemies to defeat | None |
Blode's House[]
Once you have finished talking with Griblet, she will teleport to Yanille. Go to Blode's house portal in Yanille, where Griblet will be waiting with Hairy. Talk to them, and a cutscene will show that they will attempt to go through the portal. They claim that Blode doesn't seem to be home. The Crab of Ineffable Wisdom (who is indeed a crab, only with a human head) walks by, and greets you , Hairy, and Griblet. He then spots a tub of Blode Bits that has been knocked over, and he also finds a strange white powder on the ground. Collecting the items, he also spots a piece of fresh meat on the ground. Picking this up, he says, "Oh dear. This isn't good." When you question him, you are asked if you know where all meat comes from. You have 3 choices: From Animals, From the Moon, and From your Face. choosing From your Face or From Animals will result in the crab asking you again. Choose From the Moon and the crab will say that that's correct. He then ushers you, Griblet, and Hairy to teleport to Falador. They will teleport, then you have the choice to either teleport to Falador or walk all the way there.
The Spongmonkeys[]
Once in the square, talk to the Crab of Ineffable Wisdom. He will tell you to go near the south of the west bank, looking for two badly dressed tramps, one playing a guitar, the other, singing. He assures you that these are wise philosophers. The car, Griblet, and Hairy will follow you, much like a pet cat does. Find the tramps, known as the Spongmonkeys, and talk to the singing one. Ask him about the meat and the powder. They tell you that the powder is the dandruff of the Evil Moon Crab, who runs a meat mine on the moon. There, an army of dwarves are beaten day and night to mine meat. The Spongmonkey breaks out in song, singing:
- "The moon is made of meat, my son.
- The moon is made of meat.
- And all the meat from which it's made,
- has come from gooses' feet.
- A billion gooses footless were
- And this did make them cry
- And that is why the gooses thought
- It's time to learn to fly.
- Meaty Moon Meaty Moon
- La la lala la,
- Made of meat from gooses' feet."
The Crab of Ineffable wisdom senses great danger, saying that this is where Blode has been taken. He then tries to find a way to get to the moon fast. You offer to take the "tunnel to the centre of the moon."
Inside the Moon[]
You will need your lightsource for this. Light it, and find a large crater near the Air Temple Ruins south of Falador. Jump in, and you'll find yourselves in the moon, surrounded by dwarves... and by meat. The Crab of Ineffable Wisdom hears the sound of someone crying directly below you. Dig with the spade, and jump into the hole.
The Moon Meat Mines and the Evil Moon Crab[]
This is the Moon Meat Mine. The player here is holding a Dwarven Long Pickaxe. He is about to mine meat.
A cutscene will play, showing another crab of the Ineffable's race, whipping Blode as he mines the meat. The evil crab then walks away for a moment. The cutscene ends as you and your friends fall down from the cave ceiling. Blode, you and everyone else begins to celebrate, however, the Evil Moon Crab (actually named Mel Gibson as a coincidence) walks in and corners the crew. He threatens to put you in his slave army, when you step forward. Attack the moon crab, but you don't have to defeat him. Just put him to half health. He is pretty easy, hitting only up to 15 in melee and less with ranged or magic. However, when you put him to half health, he will put your health to one, and you drop to the floor. Just as the crab is about to finish you, he will spot an unknown bottle on the ground (actually a bottle of gin) and take a swig from it. He staggers off, seemingly forgetting his...er... prey in front of him. Griblet will question the Crab of Ineffable Wisdom about what was in this bottle. He says, "I don't know, it must have contained some sort of poison. But he seems to be enjoying it." Talk to the Head Dwarf, who is near where Blode is, and complete the quest.
Reward[]
- 10,000
experience - 10,000 experience
- 10,000 experience
- 10,000 experience
- 10,000 experience
- 10,000 experience
- 1,000 experience
- 100,000 gold pieces
- Bottle of Gin
- 100 pieces of Moon Meat, which heals 19 hp per bite, 2 bites each.
- Access to the Moon Mines, where you can mine meat and buy cooked Moon Meat from the Head Dwarf for 1000 Gold each.
- Dwarven Long Pickaxe, which, when worn, raises your Mining Level by 5. This effect lasts as long as you are wielding the pickaxe. This is the only tool that can be used on Moon Meat Rocks.
