This article, Fancy in a Firefight, is the creative property of Fegaxeyl.

Fancy in a Firefight
Series: Time Fractures
Series Number: 2.4
Main Characters Drauss
Enemy: Zell
Setting: Fifth Age year 185
Future (unknown age)
Writer: Fegaxeyl
Previous Story: Fleet of the Doomed
Following Story: Love and Hate


As the GDG repair their base, a Time Anomaly leads to the most unexpected point - the GDG's future. But there is something wrong with the future GDG's attitude and mission quota. As tensions rise, Drauss discovers a shocking fact about the future.


GDG base

Drauss, Cratus, Creeth, Urtur and La'ab are sitting in a conference room.

"Someone's going to come through the door in three seconds," comments Creeth, using her precognitive abilities. Sure enough, the door opens, and a Crate Creature walks through.

"Fracture off port bow, sir," he says, then walks off. The five scramble up and hurry out of the room.

It is revealed they are in one of the GDG's mobile land bases, which is slowly turning to face the Fracture. When it is done, it extends a long metal corridor like the ones used to board a plane right down in front of the Fracture. Inside the corridor, the Drauss, Cratus and a small security squad point E-pistols at the Fracture.

"Ripple!" says one of the sqaud, "Something's coming through!" They level their weapons at the Fracture, and it vibrates. Suddenly, several figures wearing something similar to, but a much more improved version of Cyberbodies. Each one is handling something that looks like a metallic cuboid which is supposed to be a gun. The lead figure stares at Drauss.

"My god..." he says, as he lowers his gun, "Great... great... great... great granddad?"

"Huh?" exclaims Drauss.

"You're Drauss? Of the GDG?"

"Um... yeah..."

"I don't believe it! We're looking at the founder of the GDG - and my ancestor!" the figure dropped his gun, raised his visor, and somehow peeled off the entire helmet even though it was made of metal, and hugged Drauss.

"Wow..." he kept saying.

"Er... yeah." was all Drauss could say.

Opening titles

Drauss and the newcomer from the future are talking.

"So, Drauss, why aren't you at the primary base?" the newcomer asks.

"Well, Zell" (Commander Zell is the newcomer) "The base was destroyed when we sacrificed it too destroy some space creature thing. So in the meantime we're using our island and mobile bases."

"The base was destroyed? What year is this?"

"Er... oh yeah, 184. The Ire of Phyrrys, 184."

"184?! I thought we had come post-space mission Aleph One?!"

"No, of course not. In fact I've no idea what you're on about. Besides, if I want to know the future I'll ask Creeth, what with her precognitive abilities and that."

"Too late, grandpa, you met me. Say, why don't you come with me back to my base tonight?"


"You can take great-great-great-great-grandma with you."


"Oh, yeah, you're not married yet. That was after some idiot detonated one of your missiles above Al Kharid and iradiated half the Kharidian desert."

"Actually, you might not be that bad." remarks Drauss.

Future world

Drauss and Zell step through the Fracture. Instantly, the world changes. Instead of the muddy earth from the present, there is a huge plain of orange sand covered in twisted metal wreckage and skeletons.

"Twenty years ago, a jump portal opened up to the freeway and we got an animal rampage." Zell says, to answer Drauss's question before he asks. "Radiation and magical discharge made this place a no-go zone."

"Then -"

"I make it my personal business to inspect any Fractures that appear."

"They haven't stopped?"

"Well... they all lead to a three-year period, so yes and no. I could tell you more but it's all time and the continuum and that nonsense."

"Oh yeah. Well, when are we gonna get this meal?" Drauss asks. Zell points to a large triangular vehicle floating a metre or two off the ground.

"Base Solerum D. My personal favourite, and as such toughest, fastest, most deadly MantaRex in the GDG's arsenal." zell smiles smugly.


Inside future GDG base

"So tell me, Zell, how's the future?" Drauss asks in between mouthfuls of an odd soft meat.

"Well, we're in space, Varrock is a huge arcology, the Wilderness has undergone a massive reforestation project, Isafdar is drowned in the Poison Swamp, and... oh yeah, we were forced to nuke the Void Knight's outpost into oblivion after a splinter sect from us set up a base there."

"Why? All the GDG's current staff are happy and a recent survey indicates they have abseloutely no intention of quitting."

"Ah, it was just a bunch of damn fools who got intoxicated when a hydroponics farm leaked waaaayy too much oxygen. I think they got their political systems all confused and started calling us beauracrats and dictators."

"Oh?" Drauss stares at a point beside Zell. "Our research indicates no matter how unaware of your mental health at the time anything you do has a sane basis to it."

"Your research, god-knows-how-many years ago."

"Whatever." smiles Drauss and continues eating.

Present GDG base

Drauss and Cratus are sitting in a room.

"I'm not sure about these future guys," says Drauss, "They aren't upholding many of the traditional GDG values - pride, helping others, corteousness and all that."

"Cratus agrees," Cratus replies, "Cratus hasn't seen a single Crate Creature, yet they say to Cratus that Crate Creatures are very much alive when Cratus asks if they are extinct."

"What do you mean?"

Cratus leans forwards, and, whispering, says, "Cratus is beginning to think these guys have enslaved all non-humans."

Drauss leans back, exhaling slowly, in a I-don't-really-believe-that-but-it-makes-a-lot-of-sense sort of way. "I can see where you're coming from," he nods, "And to be honest, I sort of believe you."

"Cratus is glad. I'd much rather believe you than those two-faced spurging pijins."

"You said it, pal. Spurging pijins. You can't insult 'em worse than that."

"But anyway, Cratus points out their attitude towards the future."


"Cratus has noted that they are very secretive about the forthcoming and often change the topic."

"Really? That Zell guy invited me to the future."

"Cratus asks: did he tell you of the future? Did he reveal any important facts?"

"Not really. I did, after all, ask him not to tell me too much."

"Anything at all?"

"Well... he did mention something about having to obliterate the Void Knight's outpost to demolish some splinter group."

"Bingo! Is there any need for a group in our GDG to leave when they can come right up to us and complain?"

"I.. guess not."

"And would we ever carelessly destroy an entire island without a negotiating party first?"

"No... He did say they had accidentaly taken puroxide."

"We have therapy! We have prescriptions, pills, cures! Come on, Drauss, this future person, Bell or Zell or whatever the Sterg it is, has changed the GDG beyond our imaginations!"


"Or, it happened before his time! Somehow the GDG let in a pijin who would let this moronic changes take place!"

"You have a point."

"So Cratus says we gather our forces, capture this spurger and storm our way into the future! Then, we - "

A small buzzer activates, cutting short Cratus's sentence. Drauss turns.

"Who is it?"

"Kairie, sir."

"Come in."

The door slides open and Kairie walks in. The metal door slides shut behind her.

"We have a problem." she says, solemnly.

"What? How?" asks Drauss.

"That pijin Zell is going nuts."

"Damn it! What's that pijin up to now?" Drauss snarls, kicking a cabinet.

"Building a greater future!" comes the unexpected answer. The three turn to face the door, which is busted down. Zell wears his peelable armour and is clutching a jar-like cannon. He is flanked by several other future GDG troops.

"What the sterg is going on?!" demands Cratus.

"A Fracture straight into the point where the GDG reaches it's most powerful era? Too tempting to miss. So, if you don't mind, I'll be bringing my troops from the present to the past - my present - and time-loop the GDG's way to unlimited, infinite power! We'll rule the universe!"

"What?!" all three say simultaneously.

"Go on, call me a pijin, a spurger, whatever you want - I'm not at all insulted by your archaic little curses. But I am insulted by that slime sitting there, able to walk alongside man as his equal!" Zell waved his gun madly at Cratus.


"Humankind is the only worthy species on Gielinor! All other races will cower before us, in the past, present, and future, with the technology we will gain to create our own Fractures!"

"You insane, racist spurger!" spits Kairie, but a guard quickly handcuffs her. Another one cuffs Drauss. Two go up to Cratus, who quickly pulls out an E-pistol.

"Cratus demands you stay back!" he threatens, but one guard pulls out a small baton-like device and flicks a switch. Cratus dropps the gun and falls writhing on the floor.

"Remove his clothes and put him with the rest of the slave stock." orders Zell without a second glance. The two guards carry Cratus's limp body away. "And now, you two," he continues with an evil smile on his face, "You are to sign the GDg's official surrender to the HuCDomFor."

"The what?"

"Human Continuum Dominance Force. Or HuCDomFor for short. I'll rename it eventually."

"The only renaming you need, you pith, is from Zell to Spurging Pijin the second." Kairie wrinkles her nose.

"Why the second?"

"Coz' that's what your mother should be named."

"WHAT?!" Zell explodes. He takes Kairie firmly on the arm, squeezes, and pulls her away. Two other guards seize Drauss and pull him after Zell. Kairie struggles to free herself, but Drauss remains still. However, after a while he whispers, seemingly to himself, "Everyone. Attack the future GDG pijins."

Suddenly, the base is filled with the sound of gunfire. Drauss smiles a tiny smile. Zell stops and looks around, and bullets and energy beams fly across the corridor.

"All troops, defensive positions!" he calls, "Destroy the GDG! From this base, we conquer first Gielinor, then time itself! For the might of the HuCDomFor!"

Just as suddenly, hundreds of troops spring out and return fire to the GDG. Zell and his guards hurry to pull the two captives through the base and through the Fracture, ending up in the future.

"Take them to the holding cells!" he orders, then runs back through the Fracture. Drauss and Kairie are taken by yet more guards into the huge floating base and down into a long corridor of small cells, each with a screen of green plasma in front. Both are thrown into the same cell. Nearby, other cells are filled with various people who all look completely innocent. The guards seal up the plasma wall, then walk off. Drauss and Kairie are met with comparative silence.

"Pith!" growls Drauss, kicking a wall. He paces up and down for a few moments, then Kairie says,

"Drauss, relax. We'll get out." Drauss turns to face her, and stares at her face. Suddenly, his expression of anger changes as deeply-suppressed feelings for Kairie arise. Slowly, he shuffles towards her.

"Kairie - "

"Drauss - no, go on."

"Um... er... if... hopefully... when... I mean, er... oh lord..."

"What is it?"

"Well, ah, if <ahem>... when we get out of this, do you... do you...?"

"Sshhh." says Kairie, slowly moving towards him. Suddenly, they find themselves embracing, kissing.

Present GDG base

La'ab and Mordi are crouching beneath a defensive screen.

"Come on, Drauss," says Mordi, "We need you!"

"He'll get back," comments La'ab, "In time. In time."

Roll the credits!


  • Drauss
  • Cratus
  • Urtur
  • Yargther
  • Mordi
  • Creeth
  • Doarle
  • La'ab
  • Thyra
  • Kairie
  • Commander Zell



Preceded by:
Fleet of the Doomed
Episode navigation Followed by:
Love and Hate